


Happy At Home

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: New York, New York [2]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6669565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I would love you if I had to give up everything to take care of you 24/7. I would love you if you lost every bit of your mind Leo...I would love you if I lost mine"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy At Home

CJ stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom finishing her make-up. She could hear Leo tinkering around in the bedroom...what was he doing in there.

"Do you need me to help you with your bowtie? Hey honey, Leo?"

She came out of the bathroom and looked at him sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at her and she got concerned.

"What’s the matter?" she asked. "Do you need help with your bowtie?"

"I am not going Claudia Jean."

"Why not? Are you alright?"

"My head hurts. I think I just want to stay home and relax."

"Your head hurts...since when? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?"

She came over to the bed and put her hand on his forehead. Then she checked his pulse. Leo fought the urge to snatch his hand away.

"Well, you're not hot and your pulse is fine. Do you want a Tylenol or something? Did you take your aspirin this morning...is your chest hurting?"

"Dammit, I just have a headache CJ. I am not having another heart attack or symptoms of a heart attack."

She took a deep breath. He was obviously not in the best mood; he hadn’t been lately. It always doubled for the first couple of hours of whatever ailed him. Going into the bathroom CJ got two Tylenol and a glass of water from the sink. She handed it to Leo in the bedroom.

"Take this. Take off your shoes and lie back honey."

He took the medicine and did as she asked. CJ looked at him before going back into the bathroom.

"Maybe I should just stay home with you." She said.

"You are not staying home; this is your party. There will be plenty of people there to keep you company. I will be fine, I just want to rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." He said through clenched teeth.

"Fine. Leo, I don’t know what the problem is but I am not the enemy here."

"I know." He mumbled. "I'm sorry. Just go to the party baby. James Dailey will be there to fill your dance card."

James Dailey was the new person on her staff. He was an independently wealthy 45 year old from Newport, RI. Now that he lived in Manhattan, he wanted to devote his time and money to the charity circuit, like most philanthropists. He chose CJ and the Action AIDS team after he read of their community work in both the Times and Time Magazine. They got along immediately; he reminded her of a younger version of her husband. He was a workaholic, coming in first and leaving last. He changed many of CJ’s thoughts on the new money elite.

"He’s bringing his wife tonight." CJ said. "I'm excited to meet her and I thought you would like her too."

"I can tell you what I like." Leo mumbled to himself. "I like that he’s married."

"What did you say?" CJ came out of the bathroom.

"Nothing baby. I am just going to relax, but I want you to have a good time tonight."

"OK." She sat on the edge of the bed and kissed his mouth softly. "Just rest, but I am carrying my cell phone, so if you need me just call."

"I'm not going to need you." He replied.

She didn’t like the sound of that but she let it slide. He didn’t feel well and that turned him into an unbearable human being. CJ kissed him again, smoothed his hair back, and left the room.

"I love you. See you later."

"Bye." He grumbled.

***

"Get off the newspaper dog."

Leo pulled the New York Times from under Winston and took it into the living room. He put his coffee on the coffee table and opened immediately to the society page. The kids were already at school, and though she got in rather late last night, CJ went to work early this morning. Winston climbed up on the couch; Leo tore off a piece of his cheese Danish and fed it to him. He finally found the page...this was exactly what he did not want to see.

There, in the society page, a picture of his wife in the arms of James Dailey. They were dancing...CJ loved to dance. She wore a big smile; he could tell it was not just because of the camera. He had his hand on her naked back; Leo could feel his blood boiling. Her hand was on the back of his neck. Did she rub his hair there, as she did her husband? Was she engaging him in witty conversation that made him laugh as he was in the picture? 

Leo ripped the piece of paper out, balled it up and threw it across the room. Winston’s first instinct was to chase it, but he saw the look on his master’s face so decided to stay on the couch. The cordless phone rang behind him and Leo picked it up.

"Yeah."

"You sound better this morning." It was his wife’s bubbly tone. "How is your head?"

"Did you have fun last night?" Leo ignored her question.

"It was terrific and we raised a lot of money. Almost $35,000 for our high school education and prevention programs. Everyone was so sorry about you not being able to make it."

"You were dancing with him in the Times."

"Oh God, I know. I have to admit that I look fantastic." She laughed.

"You do. James Dailey is a very lucky man."

"What do you mean?"

"My coffee is getting cold. I should go."

"Leo, are you alright? What’s going on?"

"I'm fine. The picture of you and James really made my morning."

"Leo, are we going to fight about a party that you insisted I go to? What the hell is the matter with you lately? I am really getting frustrated with you being so moody and snappish with me. Just tell me what’s wrong."

"I just...I have to go now CJ. Have a great day."

He hung up the phone and went back to his paper and coffee. Winston whined for another piece of Danish and got it.

***

"Hey, are you too busy for a little chat?"

CJ stuck her head into Donna’s office. The Director of Fundraising smiled, waving her in. She was on the telephone.

"Seriously Sidney, I can't do it today...the schedule is full. We can get together tomorrow afternoon for lunch to discuss the numbers." She smiled. "It was very successful, and Susannah’s write up in the Times will do wonders for the organization. We are quite pleased. Right, I’ll call you before the end of business today."

She hung up and looked at CJ.

"What’s up?"

She was pushing around the pictures on her desk. There was one of Cliff and the kids that CJ loved. Little CJ, who was almost six, and the new baby, five month old Amanda.

"It was a raging success was it not?" CJ asked, crossing her legs.

"It was fantastic. It’s a shame that Leo couldn’t make it though. How is he feeling today?"

"I don’t know. Something is going on with him and I don’t know what. It is starting to bother the hell out of me Donna."

"What’s the matter?" she asked.

"Look, I need to talk to you about something OK?"

"Of course."

"I think Leo is jealous of James."

"What?"

"James Dailey...Leo is jealous. At least I think he is."

"What would give you that indication?"

"The fact that he gripes at a moment’s notice. He has made some off-color comments that annoy the hell out of me but I don’t know how to approach it because lately we just bicker. He acts as if I have never worked with a man before. For the past week, it’s been horrible. I see something I don’t recognize growing inside of him. Honestly, it frightens me."

"Well..."

"What Donna? I came in here to get some perspective. Tell me what you're thinking."

"It could be possible that James may have a bit of a crush on you."

"What? I think you're wrong."

"CJ, you said you came in here for perspective. I know I'm right. I know what its like to look at someone and want them. I know what its like to observe someone who has feelings for someone else. You two have been working closely now for a while and I think he may like you. I’m not saying that is some international crime, but I still think it’s true."

"He hasn’t said anything to me. He’s married Donna." CJ said.

"What is he supposed to say? Gee, CJ, I know we’re both married but I would love it if you wrapped your long legs around my neck. It’s a crush...they don’t call them that for nothing." 

"Leo doesn’t have to be jealous of James. Nothing is happening between the two of us. We just work together and Leo is being a jerk. He is blaming me for something that is not at all my fault. If it’s even true."

"Most likely, but you have to console him and make him feel better. Like you always do. He is your husband and he has a jealous streak."

CJ sighed, standing up from the chair. This whole thing was silly. Why would he be jealous of a man he never met? A married man she worked with and was not at all interested in. Even if James had a tiny crush on her, it was not as if CJ had any of those feelings for him.

"Thanks Donna. We are going to do lunch in an hour or so...come and join us OK?"

***

James stood behind her on Wednesday night looking at the billboard for the new ad campaign. CJ brushed her hair to the side as she bent over, checking the photos with her magnifying glass. She stiffened when she felt James’s hand caress her back. Her naked back, where her skirt separated from her cashmere shirt.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I can't see." He replied.

"Oh. Stand here and look at #39...I think this may be the one."

She bent over again, this time trying to put some distance between her and James. He brushed her hair away again; his lips were warm on the nape of her neck. CJ nearly hit the roof.

"My God James, what are you doing?"

"I cannot fight this attraction anymore Claudia. I have tried, but I can't."

"I'm a married woman, and you're a married man."

"If my wife made me feel the way you do I wouldn’t stay here so late at night." He said.

"I'm sorry. I can't..."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Nothing had ever felt so foreign to CJ in her life. As his tongue explored her mouth, all she could think about was that another man had not kissed her in fifteen years. There was a time in her life when she never thought that was possible.

"Stop, stop it!" she pushed his mouth away from her but he still had his arms around her waist. "I don’t want this James. What are you thinking?"

"Its alright to surrender Claudia. What happens between us never has to be public knowledge."

"The only thing about to be public knowledge is the ass whooping you're going to get if you do not get your damn hands off me. Let me go now."

James dropped his hands, moving back a few inches.

"Did I read this wrong?" he asked. "I'm certainly not here to force myself upon you. I thought you felt the same way I do."

"I don’t James. I am married." CJ replied.

"Lets forget for a second that you're married."

"I can't forget it for a second, I AM! I love my husband and I am sorry if I..."

CJ stopped talking. Oh God, what everyone said was true...had she been giving out the vibe? Had she been coming on to James for weeks? She suddenly felt ill.

"James, I..."

"He cannot possibly satisfy you Claudia. I can satisfy you."

"What!"

"Leo McGarry is 20 years older than you. He cannot expect you to ruin your chance at happiness as he makes his slow decline to the grave. You are his trophy wife...its OK to leave. It’s expected really. Some don’t know how you got this far."

"Shut up! Do you think that is going to get me in bed with you? What the hell manual have you been reading pal? You know nothing about my husband and our relationship."

"I thought we were friends Claudia. Friends talk to each other." James said.

"Friends? You just wanted to fuck me and I am not flattered by that James. I'm sickened. I was too stupid to see it, but I see it now. You are not one-tenth of the man Leo McGarry is and you're fired."

James sighed. Her speech did not seem to deter him in the least.

"I know you love him; I love Kate too. But there is something between us and you should not deny it. You don’t have to be ashamed...I'm certainly not."

Ashamed, maybe not, but certainly delusional.

"No. Nothing is there...it never has been and never will be." She shook her head.

James closed the space between them.

"You didn’t feel it when I kissed you? You didn’t ache for me. Why do you keep me late all the time? Why do you drag me outside for your smoke breaks? Why are you always touching my shoulder and squeezing my hand? Push back everything and just think about it."

"I never meant anything..."

He kissed her again and CJ had trouble fighting him. She ground her heel into his foot.

"Ow! Goddammit Claudia!"

One of the interns, Amy, stuck her head into the office.

"Are you alright Mrs. McGarry?"

"Amy, I, um, I need you to come in here and get everything ready for the meeting tomorrow morning with the Boys and Girls Club. Everything is in those boxes and scattered on the conference table. Is anyone else here?"

"Dennis and Lucy are still here. I can get them."

"No. James will get them; he is on his way out."

"Yes ma'am."

CJ turned to James.

"You have a nice night James. Please send the interns in on your way to the elevator."

"Claudia..."

"Please just go home; this conversation is over. Goodnight."

"Bye Mr. Dailey." Amy said.

He gave a feeble wave and walked out.

"Are you sure you alright Mrs. McGarry?" Amy asked.

CJ looked up after running shaky hands through her hair.

"Hmm? Yeah, I...I have to get out of here. Goodnight."

***

Leo was in the bedroom reading Time when CJ walked in. It was a warm April night and he had the windows opened...there was a nice fragrant breeze blowing through the room. She did not even bother to smile and engage him in conversation; they just bickered for the past week whenever she did. Ever since the picture of her and James appeared in the Times Leo had been unbearable. As she tried to unbutton her shirt, CJ realized her hands would not stop shaking. She wrung them a couple of times but it didn’t work. Finally, she turned to Leo. It was obvious that he was only pretending to read.

"James made a pass at me tonight." She blurted out.

"What!" he put the magazine down and stood up from the bed. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"It is a simple question Claudia Jean."

"Its not. I don’t believe this."

"What the hell do you mean its not?"

"Wait." She held up her hand. "Can we just please start again Leo? My head is pounding and I feel a bit nauseous."

"What happened?" Leo asked. His voice did not soften at all.

"He kissed me a couple of times. And he touched me."

"Where did he touch you!" Leo exclaimed. "You let him put his hands on you? You didn’t fight it; you just let him. Did you like it?"

"I did not, I...I just froze. I didn’t want..."

"You have been flirting with him constantly." He turned his back on her.

"Leo!"

"Don’t even try to deny it. All I've been hearing for weeks is James this and James that. I can't imagine what went through his head because I know what was going through mine."

"Oh God. I thought I would come home and get a little consideration and maybe some comfort. You son of a bitch!"

"You can't tell me that you aren’t attracted to him. All those late nights and that damn bachelor’s auction."

"Stop it!" she shouted. "What's the matter with you? You sound like a damned lunatic. You're the one who didn’t want to go to the auction. You insisted that I go without you."

"Tell me! Tell me you didn’t think of it just once...touching yourself in the shower maybe. Imagining its him."

"I am a married woman." CJ said. She was beginning to cry. "How could you even think something like that, much less say it aloud? That’s disgusting."

It was a serious low blow because that was a special game that she and her husband played.

"That doesn’t even come close to answering my question. Don't think I don’t hear you in the bathroom. I know what you do in there." There was a venom in his voice CJ never heard before. It made her uneasy.

"My God Leo. What are you accusing me of?"

"You're a flirt, plain and simple. You think...these men notice you CJ, and you soak it up."

"Oh, so this has been on your mind for how long? Was it just James or did you think I was fucking someone else? Toby maybe, Charlie, oh wait, the kid who makes my coffee at Cosi."

"All I'm saying is you cannot deny your attraction to James Dailey and you gave off vibes. He can only pick up what you throw."

"That is the dumbest thing you have ever said, and that is saying something. So that tramp in the Congressional Liaisons office, was she picking up your vibes?"

"That situation is not the same." Leo reasoned.

"Bullshit! Don't hand me the double standard. She kissed you and I...I certainly didn’t react like this."

"I did not want her; I knew what I had at home!"

"And I don’t!" if he wanted to shout and go insane, she could do the same.

"Sure, you’ve got a husband whose been listening to you sing the praises of another man for a month." He replied.

"I don’t even believe this. I never thought Leo...my God I have never been so disappointed in you. How can you...oh fuck it. I’m leaving."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he moved toward her and CJ stepped back. She had never seen him like this.

"Stop talking to me like that, I am not a child. I am going to Nora’s."

"You are not going to Brooklyn at this hour." His voice was firm and angry.

"You don’t give a damn where I go. You are out of your mind if you think you can tell me what to do. You think I'm some flirt who deserved this. If you try to stop me...you just better not try to stop me. I don’t even want to look at you anymore."

"Fine! Just perfect!" his shouting rattled his wife. "You think I didn’t see this coming! You think I didn’t know that you would grow tired of babysitting me. I don't want to burden you Claudia, God forbid I ever evoke memories of your father."

"Go to hell!" she backslapped him hard across the face and didn’t even blink. "You can't say that to me! You never say that to me! Don’t say that about my father!"

Leo touched his face and came back with blood on his fingers. Diamonds cut after all.

"Get the fuck out!" he screamed.

In one sweeping motion, Leo pushed everything from the dresser. The pictures, toiletries, Charlie’s class assignment, jewelry, his wallet, coins, a half-full water glass. Glass and debris flew everywhere. CJ covered her head and face to keep from getting hurt.

"I hate you Leo McGarry! I don’t even know you anymore."

It was the last thing she said before rushing past him and out of the room. Tim and Charlie stood in the hallway, eyes wide. Charlie was crying.

"Mommy!" she called out.

They knew their parents fought but they hadn’t heard one like that in a very long time...Charlie couldn’t remember one like that. Tim could; right before their father ran for Vice-President.

"I have to leave." CJ said. "I’ll be back soon but I have to leave right now."

"Don't leave us." Tim said, clutching CJ’s hand. He refused to cry and scare his sister more.

"I have to. Everything is OK, please go back to bed."

"Don’t go. Mommy, please don’t leave us." Charlie sobbed. She was clinging to her mother’s waist.

"You heard your mother." Leo said from the bedroom. "She has to leave...it’s so damn important to her. She would much rather run than face what she has done. Let her go and go back to bed."

CJ glared at him but he was no longer in the doorway. She looked back at her daughter.

"Charlie, I promise I will be back tomorrow. When have I ever lied to you? Tim, take care of her OK?"

He nodded, pulling his sister into her bedroom. CJ could hear her little girl sobbing through the half-open door as she escaped from the house.

"Do not follow me Bill." She instructed.

"It doesn't work that way Mrs. McGarry. What’s happening; we heard shouting."

"We had a fight. I need a ride to Brooklyn Heights."

Bill got on the radio.

"Transporting Flamingo to Scriptor and Tattoo. Marksman, Peanut, and Bookworm are in for the night."

He put his arm around her and led her out of the building and into a waiting SUV.

***

Nora poured CJ a cup of tea and sat across from her at the kitchen table. Toby had to leave the room; he was so pissed at Leo, James, and other man who had ever hurt CJ that he couldn’t see straight. Nora lit a cigarette for her...three attempts by CJ had been unsuccessful. The former Press Secretary and Second Lady of the United States was a mess.

"Donna tried to tell me. On Friday she said she was concerned."

"About what?" Nora asked, lighting a cigarette of her own.

"She said James had a bit of a crush on me. I told her it was ridiculous." CJ gave a mirthless laugh. "I thought we got smarter as we got older."

"You didn’t do anything wrong."

"I led him on. He thought I felt the same way. He thought my husband was a burden and I needed an escape. He called me a trophy wife."

"He was wrong." Nora said firmly. "CJ, look at me...he was wrong. This is a horrible misunderstanding that can be fixed."

"Fixed? Leo thinks I'm a whore and you think we can fix this?"

"He didn’t say that. People say things when they are angry CJ; you have."

"If he said that to you I will kill him." Toby said.

His wife had banned him from the kitchen once already tonight.

"Get out Toby." Nora said calmly. "You of all people can't judge Leo for what he said in anger."

"But he had no right...!"

"Heartless WASP bitch, remember? Go, take a shower; grade papers or something."

Toby sighed and left the room. Nora turned to CJ.

"Finish your tea. I have something to help you sleep and we’ll get a better perspective of this in the morning."

"Yeah. I doubt I can sleep."

"You’ll sleep. I’ll go and get the pill. Is Bill hanging out all night?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe we should offer him the couch or something."

"No, he’ll stay in the SUV. He doesn’t like to invade personal space. Can you get the pill?"

"Yeah. Sit tight."

Nora left the room and CJ broke down. She put her head down on the tabletop and wept. How could have gone so wrong so fast? How could Leo say those things; believe them and mean them? Toby came in and put his arms around CJ’s shoulders. She sobbed, turning and burying her face in his stomach.

"Oh God Toby." She sobbed.

"Shh." He smoothed back her hair. "It will be better tomorrow; I promise you. Let it out though, just let it out."

She did and Nora came back into the room as Toby wiped her eyes with gentle hands and kissed her face. CJ took a deep breath, her face wet again in a matter of seconds. Nora handed her the pill.

"What is it?" CJ asked.

"It doesn’t matter. Its not addictive and you're taking it."

"OK."

CJ popped it into her mouth and washed it down with tea.

"Come on." Nora said. "We’ll fix up the guest room."

"Get some sleep." Toby said as his wife and best friend walked out of the room.

CJ nodded, following Nora up the stairs.

***

"Dad, do you want me to clean up this mess?"

Tim stood in his parents’ doorway. He watched his father try to make sense of the mess on the floor.

"I want you to go to bed." Leo replied firmly. "You have school in the morning."

"You think I'm going to get much sleep after that? Charlie already cried herself to sleep."

"Your mother and I fight Tim...don't concern yourself."

"I am concerning myself."

Leo looked at his son. His hazel eyes flashed.

"Watch your tongue young man. I'm not too old to teach you some respect."

"You’ve never hit me in my life. I am being respectful dad. Just sit down; I’ll clean up this mess and then make you some coffee. Please."

Leo looked at him and then sat down on the edge of the bed. Tim walked in and started gathering everything up. The crystal clock that Uncle Sam and Aunt Ainsley bought his parents for their tenth wedding anniversary was cracked but not broken. The picture of a very pregnant CJ was now covered in glass. Tim handled it gingerly.

"Be careful not to cut yourself." Leo said.

"Yeah." He grabbed the trashcan as Winston made his way into the room. He jumped into Leo’s lap and he seemed grateful for the distraction. What happened in there tonight? As hard as he tried to remember the conversation between him and his wife earlier, it only came back in pieces. Whatever happened, Leo seemed to have lost his grip on reality for a minute or two. He must have said something awful...his face still stung and there was dry blood under his cheek from where she slapped him. CJ had not slapped him since the election of ’06. Almost ten years ago.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Go in the kitchen and pour all the wine down the drain."

Tim looked at his father. He didn’t need to ask him why, he just rushed out of the room. Mom would be pissed about the Chianti. She would have a cow about the Cristal (which Tim poured out for good measure). 

"The secret stash of bourbon too son... I know where she hides it."

Tim reached above the washer where they kept the laundry detergent and grabbed his mother’s small stash of Jack Daniels. He poured it all down the drain. Then he put the coffee on, extra strong.

"It is none of my business what your fight was about, I guess." He said.

No need to pull the cream and sugar out, his father would drink it straight tonight.

"It certainly isn’t. Still, I'm sorry you had to hear it."

"It’s OK."

"Why?" Leo asked.

"Because couples fight. I won't lie and say it didn’t scare me. I had to think about Charlie...she’s always scared when you fight."

"We hardly fight." Leo reasoned.

"All the more reason for it to frighten her."

"Is she alright?"

"She’s asleep. Here." He put the coffee on the table. "Drink it." 

Leo examined his son. Tim laid a wet paper towel on the table. Leo dabbed at the cut on his face. It was deeper than he thought but it would probably not require stitches. Tim handed him a Band-Aid.

"Its scares me how much you remind me of myself at your age. I don’t want the demons to catch up with you."

"I'm fine." Tim replied.

"I was too, at thirteen. I mean..."

"Dad, I think you have enough to worry about tonight. For starters, by the time you were my age your father was dead. You're still here for me."

"For what its worth." Leo muttered, blowing on his coffee.

"It’s worth everything, even with tonight. Mom will be back and you guys will work it out. People don’t love each other like you two and not work it out."

***

CJ opened her eyes reluctantly, not immediately recognizing her surroundings. She rolled over on her side and cried. Oh God, what the hell happened? CJ sobbed, running her fingers through her hair. Her body was sore; she sobbed herself to sleep last night. There was a note on the nightstand and CJ picked it up.

‘ _Don’t even think about coming into the office today. I have everything under control and I do not want to see you. The house is empty...there is coffee and food for breakfast. Stay as long as you need to.’_

_Nora_

CJ crawled out of bed and into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. This morning she looked every bit of her 48 years, if not more. She took a deep breath and stopped looking at herself. Her mind flashed to Leo knocking everything from the dresser.

"Good lord." She whispered, trudging down the stairs and into the kitchen. The clock said 11:30...she had been asleep for almost twelve hours. Whatever Nora had given her she would have to borrow again for a later date. As she made the coffee, she thought of her children. Charlie, clinging to her and sobbing; afraid she would never come back. Tim, playing brave as he always did and pulling his sister away. This was going to scar them for a long time...it would certainly scar her.

Last night was horrible. James called Leo a burden; Leo called himself a burden. Why would he ever compare himself to her father? How could he bring him into this? Almost a decade later and CJ still missed him every single day. What snapped inside of Leo that he would say something like that? She had to go home and sort this out, even though CJ feared all that waited at home was the end.

***

Tim looked up from the game of chess he and his father were playing when he heard the key turn in the lock. The air in the room seemed to stop moving. Even Winston, who always ran to the opening door with his inquisitive barking, remained planted on the couch. CJ walked into the living room looking exactly as she had last night. Except her mascara wasn’t running and she no longer trembled. She looked at her son; he looked at her. Leo remained fixated on the chess pieces.

"Timothy, what are you doing here? It’s hardly 2 o’clock."

"I couldn’t go to school today...I couldn’t leave him."

"Where is Charlie?"

"She refused to come out of her room until you came back. Mom..."

"No." CJ held up her hand to stop him. "Go upstairs with your sister...I need to speak to your father."

He got up from the couch, whistling for the dog. Winston reluctantly padded off the couch and followed Tim upstairs. CJ looked at her husband but he still looked at the chess set.

"I would never stop loving you." She said. "I would give up everything to care for you 24/7 if that is what I had to do. I would love you if you lost every ounce of your mind...I would love you if I lost mine."

"I know that."

"No, you don’t. If you did, last night would’ve never happened. I have endured..." her voice caught and she could not finish the sentence.

"I know CJ." He repeated.

"Don’t say that again! You don’t know a damn thing. You don’t know that my heart broke in a thousand pieces last night. You stood in my face and called me a whore."

"I never said that." he finally looked at her. "I would never say that."

"I'm a flirt. A flirt with a burden of a husband who loves the attention lavished on her by other men. Attention that used to turn her husband on; now it incurs his wrath."

They were both quiet for a while. CJ lit a cigarette, not caring at all that Leo hated that.

"I'm not the man I used to be." Leo whispered.

"What? That is ridiculous; of course you are."

"I'm not CJ. I'm old now...and maybe I can't hold your interests the way I used to."

"That’s silly."

"Is it? James is tall, witty and young; he can keep up with you. Maybe I can't anymore."

CJ just looked at him.

"You did alright last night. I have never seen that in you and I was so scared. You were out of control and I felt if I didn’t leave you might hurt me."

"A lot of it is a blur to me." Leo replied.

"I’ll refresh your memory. Tell me you're not attracted to James; you gave off vibes; you're a flirt; I knew you'd grow tired of babysitting me; oh and my personal favorite...thinking about James while masturbating in the shower. Nice touch Leo."

He cringed. She let the silent tears fall as she leaned against the wall and smoked her cigarette.

"I need you to talk to me. This is not going to smooth over like everything else does."

"I don’t want to talk about it."

"OK. Then I'm going upstairs, packing a bag for you, and you can book a room at the Millennium Broadway. Because you frighten me and I don’t want to live with you."

"What happened to always loving me?" he asked.

"I meant every word. What you said to me last night, though, it crossed the line Leo. You can't just say I’m sorry and expect it all to be alright. It won't work. We have to talk about this and I mean now!"

Leo took a deep breath. He knew her tone; CJ was past the point of playing games.

"You go out into the world everyday and do wonderful things CJ...people notice you. I see the way men look at you; the way women want to talk to you. Hell, the paparazzi harass you. While I sit here and get older. One day you're going to want a man who can keep with you."

"It doesn’t work that way." CJ replied.

"James Dailey kept up with you." Leo went on, as if she said nothing. "That picture of you two dancing in the Times...it made me so angry I couldn’t see straight. Did he dip you? He’s just the right height for something like that."

"I hope you know how insane you sound right now."

"When I found out that you wanted me 15 years ago...goddamn do you know what an ego boost that was? The beautiful, intelligent Amazon only wanted me. The other men in the room; she didn’t even know they existed. I never even thought that one day I would get older."

"Well, what am I doing? Getting younger?" she asked.

"Maturing. Getting more beautiful by the minute. You're working, dancing, and entering New York society as if it was built just for you."

"Are you jealous of me Leo?"

"I want you to have everything you ever wanted. Why do you need me if you can just go and get it yourself? CJ McGarry, that name carries a lot of weight in this city."

"So would CJ Cregg. I was White House Press Secretary for six and half years, and Chief of Staff for a year and a half. I don’t need you to enter society; I need you because I love you."

"Maybe I'm saying it wrong." Leo said.

"Don’t be afraid to ever tell me what you are thinking and feeling. It’s been fifteen years...we are past this."

"As I slow down maybe you want someone who can keep up with you."

"When you slow down I slow down Leo."

"You haven’t."

"Neither have you. You did a book tour, and you volunteer your time. People are still calling you everyday about politics. You are letting some jealousy convince you that you are a fragile old man and you have been never been that way. Dying in the hospital, you were never that way."

"I haven’t slowed down?" he asked.

"No."

"When was the last time we made love for an hour? The last time you screamed my name. How long has it been since we played one of our games?"

"Oh good lord. This is about sex. Who knew you could be such a selfish bastard?"

"Answer the question Claudia Jean."

"I will not answer the question. The question is asinine." She walked over to the couch and sat beside him. "I love you. I love you when I come three times in one night, when it last five minutes, or when you don’t have it in you. I love you because it is the two of us. Every time. It’s not about the sex, you idiot, it is about you and me. Sure, the superman days are gone, but I don’t care."

"That’s not true." Leo mumbled.

"That is the last time you are going to call me a liar and I mean it. You think I would leave you so I could be with some guy who can keep it going a couple of hours. If I want a fantastic orgasm and I can't get it from you, I can give it to myself. I promise to let you watch and I can guarantee that you will be the only one I am thinking of. OK, maybe Christian Bale once or twice."

Leo looked at her, tears brimming in his eyes. He reached for her hand and held it tight.

"I am so sorry I hurt you baby. Those things I said...I can't explain it. I thought I was losing you."

CJ shook her head, touching the Band-Aid on his face.

"I am never, ever leaving. Body bag or straitjacket, remember? I swear."

"I love you so much."

Leo pulled her into his arms and held her tight. CJ ran her hand down his neck. How long had he been holding all of this inside? When had he become afraid to tell her what he was thinking and feeling?

"I love you Leo."

"Don’t ever leave me." He whispered.

It sounded as if he was crying. CJ could count the number of times on one hand she had seen him cry in their 15 years.

"I won't honey. It’s going to be OK."

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. Please forgive me; please don’t hate me."

"Shh, its OK...we’re going to get through this. Just hold on to me."

***

Leo was asleep in the bedroom a week later when CJ walked in at eleven. She had just spoken to Nora. James Dailey tendered his resignation but continued to pledge his money and his support to Action AIDS. Winston was curled up near his master as CJ undressed in the dark and climbed into bed. She sank into its warmth, letting the covers mold around her. Then Leo’s arms were around her. CJ exhaled.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"Talking to Nora. I didn’t mean to wake you."

"I was awake; I was waiting for you."

"Why? Are you alright?"

"I love you Claudia Jean."

He kissed her mouth softly. Her body responded to his; CJ moaned into the kiss. She wanted more, but he moved on to nibble and suck her earlobes.

"Oh Leo." She breathed.

He kissed her neck and her throat before gently biting her shoulders. When he threw the covers off and they landed all over the dog, he got the message and went to sleep on the loveseat. Leo’s lips trailed her body; her breasts, stomach, thighs, even her knees. He wanted to savor every bit of her. CJ was his addiction now and no rehab could ever cure him.

Gently nipping her inner thigh, CJ cried out in the dark room. She turned and looked at the half-open door.

"Leo, honey, the door..."

"Shh. Don’t worry about the door. Let it go baby and enjoy this."

He stroked her and CJ sighed. His fingers teased her before making contact with her clit.

"Oh God."

"That’s it CJ, enjoy it."

"Oh God...don’t stop."

She tossed her head from side to side; they hadn’t done this in so long. He replaced his fingers with his tongue. Grabbing her hips, Leo yanked her towards him.

"Leo!"

She shouted as the orgasm started at the very tip of her toes. He pulled back, knowing that most of the time CJ was too sensitive for multiple oral orgasms. Instead, he played with her nipples. Biting, sucking, and kissing until CJ could do nothing but arch her back and moan his name repeatedly.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He muttered against her skin.

She whimpered, thrusting herself into him. That made Leo smile. He stroked her face, her eyelids, and her cheeks before kissing her. They kissed each other for a long time. CJ ran her hands down his body, taking his erection and stroking it. Leo gingerly removed her hands.

"No baby, let me love you. Tonight is about you."

He moved her hands to the side as he continued to kiss her. CJ surrendered to the attention. Kissing her, sucking her, stroking her as if they had forever.

"Make love to me Leo. Please, now."

He turned her over on her stomach, kissing down her spine. He ran his hands across her buttocks. CJ bit her lip and moaned.

"What are you going to do to me?" she whispered.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Be creative."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

He kissed her buttocks a couple of times before gently spreading them and slipping his tongue inside.

"Oh shit! Leo!"

CJ pushed herself against him, moaning loudly. She forgot everything, the door, the kids, the agents, everything.

"Oh God!"

What the hell was he doing to her? This was new, this was something she definitely would have remembered. Not that she was going to object to it.

"Uhh..."

She gripped the sheets and the pillow, making gasping noises in the back of her throat. Her muscles were relaxing in a way they never had.

"Leo!"

He kept going until the whimpers and gasps became sobs of pleasure. Then he withdrew, molded her body to his, and took her from behind. CJ threw her head back and cried out again as his thrusts started off slow. He increased the pace and she felt her ears popping...a definite good sign. She also heard him grunting and talking above her.

"Tell me how good it is. Who fucks you the best Claudia Jean? Who do you always want inside you."

"Oh God Leo! You! You! Harder!"

It was almost over but not before Leo thrust so hard CJ had to grab hold of the headboard to keep her forehead from slapping into it.

"CJ!"

He came, collapsing against her back. They were both breathing hard, Leo wrapped his arms around her midriff to keep from falling over. It had been a long time since he had worked that hard.

"Don’t pull out...don’t move." She said breathlessly.

He fell over on the bed, bringing her with him. They lay in a spoon position, Leo still deep inside of her.

"I have to...," he whispered.

"OK, OK."

He pulled out, rolling over on his back and catching his breath. He also took his pulse, but she didn’t see that. CJ was on her stomach with her eyes closed.

"I love you." She said.

He looked at her. His pulse was rapid, but slowing normally.

"I love you too. Was it good baby?"

CJ smiled, knowing he needed the affirmation. Rarely did he feel the need to ask. It wasn’t like she had to lie to him about it ever...certainly not tonight.

"Oh my God. I want to know right now what you have been reading and watching."

Leo laughed, leaning to kiss her shoulder.

"A man can't reveal his trade secrets. I might have to kill you."

"You almost did 15 minutes ago." She opened her eyes. "Tell me Leo."

"No Claudia Jean. Just enjoy it; there is more to come later. I see your interest has been peaked."

CJ smiled again.

"It never waned love, not once."

***


End file.
